So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
