I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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