I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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