I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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