ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
