i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
they're like a gay fantastic four
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
