3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my sisters under your porch take her home
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
