Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
