butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
