Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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