Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
BRING THE BAGELS
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
