Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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