Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
