dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
