it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i now understand why vodka
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
