have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
