I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
