i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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