11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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