I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
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He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
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I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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