Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
