I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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