You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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