Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
