why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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