My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize