I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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