ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
