Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
True strength comes from lack of pants
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
