Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
