no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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