Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
