the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
