If i come over, it means nothing
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
