I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
