I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
