I hope my margaritas pass through security.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
