I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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