She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
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Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
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Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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