you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
