He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
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I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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