just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
