Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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