lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
