There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When are your genitals available?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
