Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
