carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
