dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
