Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
