Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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