I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
