dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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