So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
