Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
