I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
