I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
