Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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