woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
