soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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