I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
