at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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