u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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