dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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