:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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