Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
