i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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