I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
