is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
