There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
