I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
