i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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