Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
