No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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