Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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