New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
